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You’re working on a wonderful project that stirs your soul and aligns with your life purpose. It’s going great. And then slowly and suddenly you stop doing it all of a sudden. It’s no fun anymore.
Sounds familiar?
You’re one step from being promoted to your dream job. And then you fall out with your boss. Or something comes up and the promotion is put on hold.
Is this you?
A big dream of yours is going to be fulfilled. Tomorrow you’re actually going to sing on stage/travel/sky dive/[insert your dream here]. And then you get ill.
If any of these things sounds like something that might happen to you, you might be a self-saboteur.
I know it happens to me. It happens way to often that I’m en route to success when something comes up. In retrospect, it is easy to see that I have no one to blame but myself. But when I’m right in the middle of it, it always seems like it’s someone else’s fault or just unfortunate events.
It happens so quickly.
Like what happens every time I stop blogging here. Don’t get me wrong, I love to blog. I love to write. I love to help, to inspire, to give. And I really want this blog to be a success.
What happens is that I sabotage myself. A part of me really fear the success. And I turn something I love into something I should do. And then the fun goes away with a ’poof’.
Signs that might be suffering from self-sabotage:
- you turn fun ’wants’ into overwhelming ’should’s
- you’re constantly late for things you love to do
- you convince yourself that you’re never going to make it, even though you know that you can
- you work so hard to achieve that you get burned out
- you fall ill on the most unconvenient times
- you react to people that might help you with aggression or hostility
- you evaluate your work while your’re creating it (or before you have even started)
My tips to overcome it:
Realise and accept that you’re sabotaging yourself: This is the most important step. Most self-saboteurs don’t realise or accept what is going on. All you know is that your conscious mind want success so badly. It takes time to realise and admit that there might be parts of you who are scared and resistant.
Don’t blame everyone else for your failures & take responsibility: It’s easy to blame others when things go rough. And in lack of other’s to blame, it is easy to blame unfortunate events or think that you’re being unlucky. It’s better to take responsibility and realise that you’re the one in power to change.
Take back control of your thoughts and actions: There is no easy way to do this. It includes you paying close attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Try to reconnect with the parts of you who are afraid and have doubts. Don’t let this part of you win, but gently recognize your fears and change your negative thoughts into positive ones. As I said, it’s not easy. It’s worth it.
Work out why you might be afraid of being successful: A lot of people are afraid of success. Some think that ”the higher you climb, the higher you fall”. Others think that they are not worthy of success. Whatever your reason, it is okay to be afraid. But make sure you know why, so you can change it.
Anyone else suffering from self-sabotage? I would love to hear your tips!
I have missed your posts Marthe… so it’s nice to hear from you again!!
I think this speech responds to your post quite well… I stuck this speech on my bedroom wall and read it very often and try to remind myself to live by it…
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Nelson Mandela…
Love Caroline
Caroline,
what a great speech to have on your wall!
I have three pinboards over my deks, filled with quotes, pictures and notes that inspire me. This speech is definitely going up there!
I’ll try my best to keep going, hopefully I’ll post more regularly.. :)
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I am definatley a self-sabteur and its something I struggle really hard to overcome so thanks for the advice :)
That makes two of us! Be strong!
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