What’s stopping you? 5 reasons why you might not want to share your dream


Photo by Julian Bialowas.


I’ve asked a lot of people what their dreams are. Including you. Because I need to know your dream in order to help make it come true. And it surprised me a little that that post has gotten fewer comments than most posts in here.

I also ask this question when I meet new people. But sometimes I’m too shy to ask. Because I’ve been having the same conversation too many times:

Me: So, what is your dream? (Or something along those lines and more in tune to the current conversation, like “So, you’re studying to become an astronaut, what is your big spacetravel dream?”)

Other person: I don’t know. *silence*

Me: Oh, come on, you must have a big dream, right?

Other person: I just don’t know. I’ll probably just *insert sensible and very safe career option here*.

And then I don’t know what to say. Because this is happening far to often. Either, there’s been a massive outbreak of dream fatigue, or something else is going on.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this issue and I’ve got a few theories as to why you might not want to share your dreams with me.

You truly don’t know

And bless, I have been there. I started to study law long before I had a goal in mind, it just turned out that way. If you truly don’t know what your big dream is, that is okay. The internet and self-development world is bombarding us with messages about how to reach a goal, just assuming that everybody knows intuitively what that goal is. Not knowing yet is okay. The goal, dream, purpose, passion and meaning will come to you when you are ready.

You are too shy to share it

I respect that too, of course. Sharing a big dream is terrifying because true dreams resonate so closely with who we are. And we are afraid that people will think the dream is stupid, unreachable or weird. We’re afraid that people will think that we are stupid, naive and weird. And we’ve been raised to discard the truly big dreams and replace them with sensible options instead.

You don’t have to share your dream with me. Just please share it with somebody – anybody. Because magic happens when we share our dreams. We prove for ourselves that this is something we really want and that we accept our own goals. And we set wheels in motion when we share our dreams with people who may help it come true.

You are not ready to share, because you are not ready to make the dream come true.

Yup, that is okay too. Sharing your dream will put you closer to make it come true. And that can be really scary, especially if it involves big changes. Although I believe in sharing, I actually encourage you to let your dream be yours alone for a while. Let it grow within you. Try it on and see how it feels. Just don’t linger too much before you put it out there. The timing will never be right. Today is as good as any day.

You might be ashamed of your own dream

Sometimes, it’s not about me, it’s about you. Or vice versa. There are dreams I don’t often share with other people because even I think it’s a stupid dream. But it’s a dream nonetheless. Try to be kind with yourself and inquire where the dreamcrusher came from. Why are you judging yourself so harshly? May it be that the judgement isn’t really yours, but something you picked up from others?

To give you an example, I have a secret dream of singing on a stage. In front of a huge audience. But I don’t ofthen share this, because at one point I started to believe that I’m a bad singer and that dreaming of singing when you don’t have talent is stupid. It’s easy to see now that that I got that thought from somebody else and that I chose to adopt it. I still dream of singing.

You’ve never been asked that question and you’re shocked and speechless

I love it when this happens. “My dream is – wait a second. I can’t believe you asked that! No one has ever asked me that before. My dream is – *silence*” (and I think they are thinking something along the lines of “OMG, someone is actually interested in me. Wow, that is so cool. But what is my dream, really? Hmm. I need to think more about this…”) Take your time, lovely. Yes, I actually am interested in hearing your dream. Because your dream is unique. And I love the way I get to know you and how our relationship is being built on truth, tummy butterflies  and a mountain of hope.

If you want to share your dream with me and my other readers, you can do it here. If you prefer to e-mail me directly, you can use my contact form.

Not sharing is okay. But don’t let excuses hold you back unintentionally. Am I right with this one? Or are there other reasons why you’re holding back? What’s stopping you?







{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Junaluska June 21, 2011 at 12:28 am

I shared my dream here before, but I know how it is to first admit to it.

For one year, I denied my biggest dream. For another whole year, I kept it to myself, always thinking about it. This year I finally shared it. Sometimes, it feels much closer, but at other times it seems so far away.


Marthe June 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I’m so glad to hear that you finally shared it!


mursblanc June 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Hi! I’m a new reader- as in today- I found you on twitter.

When I was young I told my dreams to anyone that would listen- my mom, my teddy bear, a lamp.

Everyone would nurse them.. but as I got older I noticed that people don’t like to hear about your dreams. They get uncomfortable, fidgety, and bored.

I have even lost friends over following through with a few of my dreams.

I think it’s because.. a lot of people don’t think it it is safe to dream. That those dreams won’t come true – so why waste time talking about them?

I have sadly found that I don’t like talking about my dreams either because.. sometimes it leads to questions that I don’t know the answer too.. and I’m afraid that I might have to admit – they won’t come true.

SO- my conclusion? People don’t want to talk about dreams because they are afraid they won’t be able to dream about them anymore.

we need dreams to … face another day sometimes.


Marthe June 27, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I think you have great points both when it comes to others and ourselves. However, I think here are two kinds of dreams; those we really really want to live, and those who are more like safe daydreams. I believe the daydreams are harder to share, maybe as you say because we fear they will never come true. But those aren’t necessarily the most important dreams to share either, mostly because we often hold on to dreaming rather than what the dream represents.

What do you think?



Kimberley June 30, 2011 at 9:43 am

Dreams are so personal and it is that fear of failure that stops us sharing them. Once you tell someone about your dream, you feel that they will be disappointed in you if you never achieve that.
It’s such a shame that people have become scared to dream, because dreaming is what keeps us excited about our lives and makes us strive for the seemingly impossible.
Loved this post Marthe. x


A.Jones June 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I went through not knowing and being embarrassed because people always assume one thing.
I never really give the true answer. I always say I want to be a writer and I do. I love writing stories and seeing the reaction that I get but also….
I like writing poetry and….songs. I love singing and I always do it.us It’s funny because every time I start singing every person that can hear me just stares at me, and when I ask them about it they say ‘nothing’.

But my DREAM is to never be forgotten. I want the whole world to know my name. I want to be recognized as more than a ‘nobody’.
I want to be heard, and listened to, and known.
I want to meet the president, I want to be all over the news. I want to have tons of sleepless nights.
The day that I die I don’t want crying. No. I want everyone that has ever talked to me, everyone I’ve ever cried on/over, everyone I’ve ever smiled at or complimented to come together and smile about the great life that I had.

So in less words:
I DREAM that I be the best that I can at whatever I am and that I make my mark on the world. No matter how crazy, impossible, irresponsible, stubborn, genius, and/or vain I am.
I freaking dream of being heard.


Rachel March 24, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I live in Gadsden, Alabama. I dream of driving up the east coast – starting out in Savannah, Geogia – stopping wherever I want along the way, until I reach Portland, Maine. I dream of eating lobster in Maine! :-)


Marthe March 24, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Eating lobster in Maine sounds amazing! Go do it!


memeii April 1, 2013 at 11:44 am

i have a big dream, i want to share all the things to another but i don’t have anything to share. i want to help another.. hope one day i can make my dreams come true.


Marthe April 1, 2013 at 11:58 am


what do you mean by “I don’t have anything to share”?




micuku April 12, 2013 at 5:41 pm

I dont know exactly where does it came from (maybe my cultural background or parents, or someone told me)…deep down in me was and still a part of it is there, a belive that if I share my dream, something nice and big I want to become or do, that it wont come true. Like I will put a spell on it, just by saying it. Maybe it was a game we played when we were kids. Dont tell your wish! It wont become true. Keep it as a secret inside of you.

So when you tallk about dreams…I had them like a lot. Sometimes they were precize, some of them were not. But what is more important is that whatever (almost) I was wishing for, searching for, one day it came true. So I build up a belife, a feeling inside me, that If you wish something strong enough, it will come to you. But I think I shared it but not like talking about it all the time.

Today I feel like Im on a crossroad more than ever (cause really I am).

I will go step by step. From what I know.

I really love one man for maybe 3 years. And I dream that he is my future partner. I dont know him very much and Im not sure is it a fantasy or what, am I not realistic, what am I doing? its fucking teenage and bla bla, maybe at the and he is not that good as I see and belive. But that feeling inside me is so strong that I decided to stay in this town and one of the main reasons is that I have that belive that he will come, one day. Urgh:) I feel ashaimed right now:D

The other dream – wish is to come closer to my self, to start loving and accapting for the way I am, or Im not. To feel free with my self in front of other. Not to care what they see or think but to care and to feel strong and beautiful inside, like I have the right for the things I want, the things I do, have or think. Witch means to overcome my anxieties and depressions. And Im working on this dream, actualy since Im dreaming it for a long time, its becoming true and Marthe your blog is such a great source for things thaht a person can implement in her daily life and thoughts. Its like a safe background:)

My big dream is a dream of my life and what I want to do inside of it.
And somehow I think I have split it in small peaces. Like, I want to find out what I want to do for life (since Ive finished pedagogy and anthropology and Im working as a pedagogist in one kindergarten but I dont find my self here). I ve done a lot of diferetn things, most of them very brave but still I dont have a clue what I want to do for living.
So I thought about going back from where I come from since I finish this thing here and see If I can do more of what I want (which is drawing, remaking furniture, writing), and I dremed of a cultural centar there. But I dont know what exectly I will do there. What I know is that I want to share with people something good, something that can benefit their lives, but also a place where I can express my self.
So since I was dreaming about it lately (intensed) I found a workshop about how to become a entrepreneur, how to start up with something. And I know that this wont happen soon, so I want to go abroad again while this process of revelation is coming true.
Oh I got interrupted in writing so, Im going to finish here, but not in my dreams:) and I will write you when I will come to something again:)

All the best to all,



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