The Truth Will Set You Free
I’ve had this feeling lately, a kind of murring inside. It’s like restlessness mixed with a fear of change. Contradicting. And know I can’t keep on writing before this post has been written.
You know, I have this thing about freedom. I crave it. Deeply. And yet, it terrifies me.
So, at last, I’m writing what needs to be written. Sharing what needs to be shared. Coming out of the closet, breaking free of my own limitations and taking that leap. I think I’m sailing forth, steering for the deep waters only*. May it make or break.
I’m writing this from the inside of a closed-door emergency psychiatric hospital. News to you, but hardly new for me. This is my fifth time here.
I’ve been struggling a lot the last year, and I haven’t been ready to share it with anyone. And at last, I’ve come to the conclusion that living a double life is doing me more harm than good. So I’ve decided to air some of my problems with the hope of helping myself, being of inspiration, and to help to shed some light on a mental illness that is particularly difficult for others to understand. I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (often referred to as Borderline or BPD). And I struggle with an eating disorder too.
There. Said it.
I won’t go into much detail, but I just wanted you to know that I’m not perfect. In fact, I am impulsive. Self-destructive. I live a chaotic life of extremely high highs and low lows. And yet I’m deeply passionate about self-development, lifestyle, travelling, dreams and positive living. All of the posts I write here are genuine. And I have found that writing about these topics is one of the few things in life that give me real joy. I guess I want to say that I truly believe in all the advice I’m giving, all the inspiration I’m spreading and all the words I share. Even though I don’t necessarily follow all of it all the time. Sometimes I write what I do as much for myself as I write it for you. Sometimes I write what I most need to hear , and it corresponds beautifully with what you need to hear too. I love it when that happens.
Nothing will change around here. Except that for the next few months, I’ll be writing from hospital instead of from home. I’m still the same me. Trying my best to live a magical life. Hoping for even better and more beautiful days.
If you have any questions, advice, support or a little inspiration to share – I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have.
* Words borrowed from Walt Whitman’s Passage to India.