01/06/12

{ 71 comments… read them below or add one }

Tabitha Jayne June 1, 2012 at 1:54 pm

What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing something so personal – and in that spirit I’ll also share with you that I too have had challenges with self-harm and food in my past too. I would talk to myself in the mirror and consciously tell myself that I was beautiful. I might not have felt it at first but I eventually did. I’d also lie in bed and hug myself telling myself that I loved me. Radical self-acceptance is so important and I am finally awakening to the fact that it’s wonderful to be me and learning to love every little bit of me!

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Thank you so much! And thank you for being so open in return. Glad to hear that it’s a thing of the past and that talking to yourself like that worked! I will try to say something nice to myself in the mirror when I wake up!

Sending love!

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Caroline June 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Thanks Marthe, that is beautifull…
Last year I became aware how often I (unconsciously) tell myself I’m big, fat, ugly and clumsy, various times a day, in fact several times before I even get to work at 9am… It was such a revelation to realize I was doing that, incredible… Now I still do it, but less often and I hear/ see myself doing it, which creates a distance and decreases the negative effect…
I also realized how much I identify myself with my body and how difficult I find it to love my body, while that is what I need to do, if I want to take good care of myself and my body..
Thank you so much, I’m sure your list will help me achieving this step by step :-)
Love Caroline

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Caroline! How are you these days?

It really helps to realize what you’re doing to yourself, doesn’t it? It’s the first step and absolutely necessary for change!

Hoping you are having a good time! :)

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Thea Beaudoin June 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I love your term “Morning Magic” and I LOVE glitter! I wear it almost every day in some form and I am creating a brand around “Glitter for the Soul”…What a great post, thank you!

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Glitter for the Soul is a great concept! We all need a little more sparkle, glamour and silly magic in our lives!

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Jovanka June 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Great advice! My favorite one to do is smile. It’s so easy to do, effortless and freeing for the body but also the mind and the soul. Thanks for this.

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Thank you! You’re right, smiling is free, it takes very little effort and you’ll get so much in return!

Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

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Candice June 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm

WOW! LOVE LOVE LOVE this! What a beautiful post! I’m saving this one to my favourites. :)

What makes me beautiful? Sharing my love with others and showing myself the same love.

Can’t wait to see more from you in B-school. xxx

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Thank you so much, Candice! And you’re so right: self-love really makes people glow from within, doesn’t it? So happy to hear that you’re loving and living!

Good luck with B-school, we’ll see each other around, that’s for sure!

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Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest) June 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You nailed it, so beautifully! Thank you for this manifesto… I will share it.

Love and light,
Sue

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Thank you so much Sue! <3

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Kelly DiNardi June 1, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Every feature of your life is really a manifestation or expression of something in your soul. You are just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Thank you for this beautiful post, and may your life continue to grow and expand. Remember the most beautiful curve on a woman is her smile…

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

You are so right!

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Tracey June 1, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Wow. I wonder if this is a message to me? Or for someone else? Maybe.
Firstly you have no need to be almost apologetic for your history of SH and ED. Join the club! And it’s a big one! Like you, I have been a fully paid up member too. Still am to some degree. Only 10 minutes ago I was planning my next bulimic weight loss. That’s why I wondered if this message was for me.
But your own beauty was the shining light that wove its way throughout your whole post! And I want you to see that too.
I can do most of those things on your list. Writing myself a love letter I still struggle with. And I think that’s why I’m not yet cured. Because until I genuinely love myself, I wont care what harm I do to myself.
It is this fact that I’d like others to think about because others can cause that self doubt, self hatred in the first place. That can be done as quickly and easily as one throwaway comment. Then all they need to do is sit back and watch you implode.
So love the beauty in others as much as in yourselves guys. It’s life saving. Tracey. xxx

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Tracey, this post was requested by one of my readers through e-mail and I felt really compelled to write it straight away (I literally started writing the post 2 minutes after I received the e-mail..)

Maybe it was you who needed it ASAP? I’m very open to synchronicity and it very frequently happens that I write something that someone needs to hear right at the same time.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with Bulimia. I’ve had over-eating episodes myself, and I know it’s a hard beast to tame! However, I think you’re on the right path – loving yourself really is key to stop self-harm, although I do think that at least for me it’s not just that I don’t love myself it’s that I do feel that I like myself but I feel sad when I think that no one else does.

You’re so right when it comes to bad comments from other people. It’s so sad! Try your best to don’t belive in them my dearest <3 You’re a wonderful, wonderful person and I feel very connected to you even though we don’t know each other (yet?). I hope you’re able to steer away from bulimia and until then live as good as you can <3 Sending you A LOT of love!

Marthe

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Mamie June 1, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Thank You! I loved this! It is very helpful :)

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Glad to hear you liked it <3

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Rebecca June 2, 2012 at 12:15 am

Marthe, you are beautiful! <3 This post is perfect. Just reading it is enough to make me feel like I'm giving myself a gift, or receiving the warmest of hugs :)

I wholeheartedly agree with every single point you made, but that doesn't mean I actually practise them myself. I really need to start showing myself some more love (particularly with everything I've got coming up in my life!).

I'm with you 100% on the morning workout thing. Whenever I go for a run in the morning, it makes me feel amazing. I just glow from the inside out. Also, I know how you feel about standing out. I was also very tall for my age when I was growing up (although my peers had pretty much caught up with me by the time we reached our late teens). I hated it. I look back at pictures of myself, and my body language was terrible. I was so hunched all the time, trying to make myself into a smaller version of me. Now I'm so proud to own my height (and my hair, and my freckles, and everything else I used to hate), and walk with my head held high.

On a final note, thank you for being so authentic and honest. I feel as if I got to know you better just by reading this post :)

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Thank you so much Rebecca, it really warms my heart to see that I reach you with my words! <3

It’s strange how tall girls struggle sometimes, even though I know a lot of shorter girls who always wished they were taller. We always want what we haven’t got, right?

Thank you for not being all freaked out by my honesty. I feel very strongly that by being totally open, I will be able to help a lot of people. Like I said – I think this is my calling. <3

ps. Your freckles are constellations that even the sky can’t match!

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Katherine June 2, 2012 at 2:21 am

This is such a great post. I feel happier just reading it and can’t wait to put these things into practice! You are wonderful.

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Thank you so much <3 You are wonderful too <3

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Courtney June 2, 2012 at 4:06 am

Marthe, this is so touching and enlightening to read. It must take courage to put yourself out there with personal issues and I would like you to know that I have huge respect for you doing so.

I find the smallest things make me feel beautiful: when my hair is super soft after being at the salon; wearing high heels when I really don’t need to; coming out of yoga all soft and airy feeling; and seeing other people’s happiness makes me feel like I’m part of a beautiful world – which is important I think. Knowing that the world is a beautiful place, and that you yourself help make it so just by being is quite magical. Sometimes I count the people I see holding hands to remind myself of this.

Would you be happy for me to link to this post from my blog? I’d love to share it :)

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Marthe June 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Thank you so much, Courtney. It has taken me a long time to get this far in terms of openness – in the beginning I wasn’t even comfortable with writing under my full name! It has taken courage and step-by-step trial.

Super-soft hair <3 I love that feeling! It’s all in the small things, isn’t it? Taking that extra two minutes to get ready can make all the difference and it’s definitely self-love in action! You need to identify what makes you feel good and then do it MORE! Thank you for great tips!

I’d love it if you would share it – it means a lot to me! Thank you so much!

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ije June 2, 2012 at 8:18 am

thank you for your vulnerability and realness here. sometimes when i read stuff about self-love and self-care and beauty it’s shared in this “i figured it out and one day you will too”-vibe. your honesty about the lifelong journey and process it is was so refreshing. THANK YOU! and your tips are great. working out is a big one for me. as is dancing. listening to music. and journaling. these always shift me to look at myself with kinder eyes:-)

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Mary C. Weaver, CSCS June 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I love that you included working out as one of the ways to feel more beautiful. Of course, it’s good for me—but it makes me feel so good that I would do it even if it weren’t for the health benefits.

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Diane June 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I love this post! Great reminders to just be real and who you are on a daily basis. I love “eat the rainbow”! I think the authenticy of being yourself is what comes across in your post. That will always make you feel beautiful.

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Jamie Dougherty June 2, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Brilliant article! I love each of these but my favorites are morning magic and practicing radical acceptance. I meditate every morning and I will tell you, it’s like waving a magic wand all over my body. Many thanks for the fantastic list!

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Te Ratahi June 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I love this post. I really believe a persons inner beauty reflects on the outside. It’s why some people are radiant and attractive without having that classic beauty mags try to sell us and others are not. Their ugly thoughts reflect on their aspect

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Lígia Tolentino June 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

As always, big, good and kind inspiration coming from you! Thank you so much and please never stop!

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jamie June 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I loooove this! What a *beautiful* post! I would add another thing: start serving others with that smile! Serving others brings out our inner beauty!! :D

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Jess June 5, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I absolutely adore your posts. Just thought I’d share. <3

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Svenja June 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Hej Marthe,

what a beautiful post! I completely agree with you! I kinda could not send (love) letters to myself, but sending out letters to people I know is definitely something beautiful which I would personally add to your gorgeous list!

You are very inspiring !

Love from Holland,
Svenja

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Clarity Star June 10, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Since I am not too happy with my looks right now I don’t focus on them too much. I do like to take nice Epsom salt bath in the morning for self care and stress relief though.

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Jenny June 10, 2012 at 9:27 pm

this is a great post! i really enjoyed reading it because, like most of us, i have days where i just hate the way i look, my weirdly curled hair, my oily skin… and i really love to have a confidence boost sometimes.
i have been overweight all my life. most of the time this wasn’t an issue for others (as in my family, my friends…) but it was for me. i never really felt confident enough to wear what i wanted to wear, to flirt, to even have a relationship. i know it sounds weird, but the minute i accepted myself the way i was, i felt more accepted by everyone around and i even started to lose weight. by now i’m still not skinny (and i’ll never be) but i have something like an average weight and feel so much better. for more than a year there is this little post-it note on my mirror that says “if you want to be something, just be it!” which still motivates me. if i wake up in the morning feeling ugly, and i think that i want to be pretty, i just try my best to be. it sounds weird but it works…

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Jamie July 2, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Wow i’ve been to sooo many websites on how to build confidence and not listen to other people in my school, but i’ve just thought, i’m not thin, or glamourous but i cope with myself more than others and i look after myself better then most people i no, i’m meant to be this way and i can learn to love that and just be happy for being me <3 thank you for your wisdom <3

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Jasmin July 10, 2012 at 3:26 am

i enjoyed reading this post. it’s very nice and it helped me think alot about myself. but i still feel so insecure i dont know what i should do to get rid of this insecurities, like people from my job is always telling me that i am pretty, but yet i font feel like i am. i know that im good looking not horrendous, but i still feel as if im not good enough and i feel super unappreciated. i am the type of person that is very caring and giving and im very LOVEable but i dont know why i cant find someone to share the love with if you know what i mean. like i havnt had a relationship in over 6 years. i know my insecurities have something to do with it.. this post opened up my eyes i love being who i am because there isnt another person as i am

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hina September 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

a beautiful article… see u asked us to be polite after reading this.. good u opened up and gave us a chance to open up as well..

evryone is beautiful trust me one way or the other.. people say i m beautiful.. but i m not attracted to outer beauty at all unless.. the person has to be nice inside to be my freind.. n i m blessed to have so many beautiful ppl around me..
and Marthe you area a magic ;)

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Cate September 26, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Marthe, thank you for this beautiful piece of writing. It is so honest, lovely and practical. I am going to heed all of your advise, and I have just shared it on my blog too (referencing your blog of course) in the hope that your insights and wisdom will be shared far and wide. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post, but for all your beautiful posts.

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Maxi October 11, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I love this post!, im only 18 and I feel soo down about myself i just want to feel pretty im quite short and i feel left out all the time, i have really bad acne on my face my chest and my back which makes me feel so insecure and always makes me want to cover myself up, i feel because of my acne people stare at me, i have all these thoughts in my head, but never speak to anyone, im going to read this everyday because throughtout reading this i saw the good qualities in me and made me smile the whole way through :) thank you soooo much!! <3

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Sofia November 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Marthe; i absolutely love this post, what you wrote is so true, but sometimes we forget about ourselves, about being thankful for having a good health, for having a family, for having friends, etc.

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Megghan December 2, 2012 at 2:26 am

that is very helpful, thaaaank you <3 :)

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P. December 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Hey! It’s cool to be so tall! I myself am 1.77, and I’ve always loved being the taller girl in group photos… you should too! :)
I had to say it, hahaha.
Glad I found your blog, it’s quite deep in an internet full of shallow sites about make-up, dresses and fake boobs.

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P. December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

whops, tallest*

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Nadia December 16, 2012 at 3:15 am

I like the post however , “smiling is a charity” . Wow how self indulgent can one get?

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Marthe December 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I’d have to disagree with you on this one. I don’t think that’s self-indulgent at all – a smile has the power to help more than you give yourself credit for.

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Diana January 2, 2013 at 6:38 pm

You really helped me, I’m just gonna write a love letter to myself.

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Angel Lopez January 3, 2013 at 3:34 pm

Thank you for this article! I’ve been feeling down lately and this was the thing that cheered me up. It’s easy to be consumed by insecurities. I often told myself before that I’m not pretty enough and that I wish that I could look good like movie stars but I guess in the end I really need to accept myself for who I am and love myself too. Thank you for sharing this. I will try these tips and hopefully there will come a day when I no longer feel such insecure feelings.

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Shridevi January 17, 2013 at 6:52 am

Simply and effectively written so wonderful! Thanks :)

Sometimes we forget/overlook such simple things. Thanks for this good write :)

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sahana January 20, 2013 at 1:24 pm

woh its awesome it awakened my spirit … I seriously feel good after reading this

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Amy January 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm

I just stumbled across your blog, and even though this was posted awhile ago it seems like perfect timing! I have been struggling lately and this posted lifted my spirits. It reminds me to slow down, take the time to do something for myself and enjoy the little things in life. Thank you!

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Kori February 7, 2013 at 8:33 am

This really brought me up when I was down. I don’t know how to feel beautiful anymore & this helped me. I want to change the way I’ve felt lately. I want to be le to breathe again. I would just love the feeling of loving me. am going to try living by this & see if I start to feel better. I know I already do in a sense! Thanks so much for this advice!

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Hadley February 23, 2013 at 6:53 am

I’ll be honest here. I’ve been google searching ways for people to like you, how to be pretty, and how to loose belly fat. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights trying to figure out why I am the way I am. I go to school each morning feeling ugly, keeping my head down, and trying to blend.
But now I want to move on from that.
I’m trying very hard to move on from the fact that I didn’t quite… Change the way that I was taught throughout my life, that I’m built very awkwardly, and feel different. I feel a little better with this article. Thank you.

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Kristen February 26, 2013 at 3:43 am

Loved the post! Actually…I just love your whole blog. It gives me an encouraging perspective when I’m not feeling my best.

My feet are beautiful. I am a dancer, my toes are crooked and my heels are cracked. I have bruises and calluses and my feet are very small because they stopped growing when I started wearing pointe shoes. But they remind me of what I can do and they make me proud. My icky feet are beautiful.

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Jess March 1, 2013 at 1:47 am

Brilliant way of helping people get over things :) I was in a car accident when I was 9yo and now I’m almost 21 and still a lot of days I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror because after the crash i looked at my scars on the right side of my face, forehead and under my nose and automatically categorised myself as hideous and unattractive (compared to what i was before) but with posts like yours i have gradually come to see that i am not a bad thing that shouldn’t be alive (like originally!) With the support of my friends, family and my wonderful boyfriend who knew me before the crash i have realised that i am just special and different like we all are. My strength is what makes me feel beautiful and perfect, strength at pulling through wen the doctors were telling my parents there was no hope and to just pull the plug, at carrying on when I was bullied and taunted at school for my scars and difficulties, at stopping myself after i started to self harm. Everyone’s beauty is inside and you are only as beautiful as you know you are… until you can see yourself as perfect and beautiful other people aren’t as likely to see it. Everyone has down days but pull yourself up and be proud of who you are…. of what you’ve become.Remember we’re all different.
‘Mutant and proud’ ;) (X-Men First Class whoever is confused about what the saying is about :P)

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qwert March 19, 2013 at 12:20 am

Thank you darling. I am sure its been read thousands of times. Beautiful

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Bailey M March 25, 2013 at 12:12 am

Reading this made me smile so much. Thank you for this it really made me think differently. For so long i have hated myself for not being gorgeous/skinny/confident. i havent had a boyfriend because i am so insecure. im going to college next year and i just cant live this way anymore its caused my depression and self harm. some days i feel great but most of the time i feel so ugly and disgusting. i have gained weight because of how depressed i got. BUT i am changing. I am done think negatively about myself. I am beautiful, and when i believe this i will feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders . Im going to start doing all that i can to get through this! thank you for your inspiration !!!

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Sumayya April 23, 2013 at 2:05 pm

Hi Marthe,

When I read your post, I thought you were lucky to be tall, because I am almost a dwarf. Before reading this blog I used to think that being short is really very frustrating, but your blog made me realize that, we all just hate ourselves because we’ve not got what others have.

I am Muslim and I feel that God almighty tests his believers by giving something and by not giving something else.

Your blog is so touching that I’ve really got some extra energy to fight my problem.

I am from India, but still I can feel your pain in handling those extra inches. Wish we could transfer inches… then your problem is solved and is mine LOL :)

Thanks a lot for your beautiful, encouraging blog.

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Qamar June 29, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Thank u for the beautiful article. I am already feeling better:)

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Sofia F July 13, 2013 at 2:33 pm

Hello! I am 13 years old and this post really helped me. I feel like all the girls around me are skinny and have long hair. Most have them have or had boyfriends. I have never had a boyfriend..or even my first kiss yet and I am going into the 8th grade! I am 5’9 and weigh 150 lbs. This is the average weight for my height, but I still do not love myself. It is not that I find myself ugly, its just I feel as if I won’t feel pretty unless a boy tells me i am. My best friends and parents tell me all the time that I am beautiful and I can tell they are not lying, but I just cannot believe it myself. I just feel so ugly and unwanted. I am so afraid that hughschool will be the same, because I am a hopeless romantic. This may sound strange but lately having boobs and a good butt is what the guys my age are into, and I have a flate butt and small boobs, right on top of an ok body. Please help me!

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Jazlyn July 15, 2013 at 3:55 pm

Hey! everybody ,I’m really feeling awesome by reading all the things given above.i just love them as they apply to my current situation.It makes me feel differen. as everythimg in my mind has changed up.Everty morning when i woke up, there were many thoughts in my mind tha i’ll go to school again and become jealous of some beautiful girls in my class that mad me so pressed and frustrating all day.But now i m changed and i m looking towards all the golden beauty in myself and recovering my attitude. Thanks alot, listning the body and posture problems of you all people had made me feel lucky cauz i have no problem but still i felt myself awkward! so,once again thanks alot!

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SJ Elliott September 10, 2013 at 9:31 pm

I appreciate the positive advice. My question is, when you feel pretty and on top of the world.. Those days when the sun is shining, the perfect song is on the radio and you can’t help but smile. What do you do on those days or days just slightly less beautiful when someone puts you down on something you have been working on? I blew my knee out December 7th, put on some holiday weight and then lost 26lbs! Feeling great until BAM! One negative comment from an outsider flips my day and ruins my natural high.. What is there to do in those moments?

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Haki October 8, 2013 at 12:54 am

That helps me a lot!

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Kate January 31, 2014 at 11:39 am

Hey, Marthe!
My heart feels so light now. thankyou for this post. it changes and means a lot :)
There’s hope again. this post must be old. but this is exactly what i needed to hear. perhaps, read. Thankyou again.

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vera February 18, 2014 at 12:28 pm

i always never stop thinking that “i am not beautiful”, i feel i am not stylies

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miley February 24, 2014 at 1:13 pm

thnks

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samina March 17, 2014 at 11:15 pm

Thanks for sharing dear!,,,!,,,,,,,,,,,

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meme April 21, 2014 at 10:52 pm

I haven’t tried this yet but this sounds like the best advice anyone could ever get because feeling beautiful is one if the most important things in the world

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Tay April 26, 2014 at 4:32 am

I feel like me again! You know the feeling all of us women used to feel when we were little! CONFIDENT!
I’m me. I’m flawless! No one can be me or put me down , I feel beautiful! Thanks for this article!

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jessica adam May 15, 2014 at 8:07 pm

Your article just made me smile :)
thank you.You written it brilliantly and it really inspired me a lot.My friend also wrote about feeling beautiful article for all the other women out there.Do read http://www.sevenswag.com/5-ways-every-girl-should-feel-beautiful-no-matter-what/

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Madhu July 18, 2014 at 2:36 am

Thank you, this is a great post! I’d like to add a No. 11 if I may: Call/Walk across/Text someone who believes you are beautiful and is able to identify unique things about you that make you as beautiful you are.

As No. 12, I would add: Help someone – I always cheer up a little by helping someone else. However, you may have already covered this in Share Your Beautiful Soul

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