{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Naomi August 5, 2013 at 10:16 pm

Hello Marthe!

Thank you for the giant hug this post just gave me. I’ve been feeling particularly fragile lately and in wrangling with past pains, I too have been learning how to give myself the love, the acceptance, and the permission to be just as I am in every moment. I occasionally revert back to expecting others to give me those things but, my self-love muscles are getting stronger all the time. Thanks again for sharing so much of your gorgeous and inspiring self with us!!

-Naomi

Reply

Yalí August 6, 2013 at 12:00 pm

Hi Marthe,

Thank you for this post. I was also that child from elementary school all through high school. It was only in the last year or so of high school that I realized I didn’t have to change myself (unless I wanted), that I was a great person just the way I was, and that made me feel less lonely. When I moved to university I found people who didn’t care about having the right clothes or being cool, and I started to make real friends.

But the loneliness and heartache were devastating. Reading this brought tears to my eyes, I felt so identified. Obviously un-learning all of that is an on-going process, but learning that others are also going through it or have managed to overcome it is inspiring.

Thank you again.

Reply

Jackie Moll August 9, 2013 at 4:00 pm

I see that there were a lot of us out there… The ones that were made to feel as though they were never good enough. It was a way for the ‘in-crowd’ to feel superior, and to have better control over their own insecurities. Once I figured that out, 20 or so years after high school, I just didn’t care about that kind of friends anymore.

All of a sudden I too had those special times when I enjoyed being alone and being my own best friend. I also now find, that I have had more REAL friendships that have endured through the years. The best part is that some of those friendships happen to include my parents and my siblings. With the friendship, there’s the added feeling of love that no outsider can ever own. As seniors, we find ourselves wanting to live closer to each other so what time we have left in this world can be spent together, reminiscing and sharing those so long ago years.

Reply

Bettina August 9, 2013 at 5:28 pm

I too was moved by your vivid discription of your lonely years. I felt much the same while growing up. That changed my life was when I learned and felt the love of Christ for me. I learned that I am precious to Him. This knowledge caused me to be less concerned with what others thought of me. Like attracts like, and the friends I now have are few, but true. I find that being alone, not lonely, is a gift. I have learned to love my own company!
God bless

Reply

Maria August 9, 2013 at 2:54 pm

I was the ugly duckling in high school. I was never invited anywhere and no one hung out with me for that matter no one really spoke to me. I was known as my brothers sister. My brothers were popular and were invited to everything. It seemed like no thing was ever planned if they weren’t a part of it. Fast forward … I love my time alone, I learned to love myself, to accept my past….( it was hard but I survived the pain, the ache in my heart) Now I am the one that every one comes to for advice and the one everyone wants at a gathering. We just had our 40th class reunion and everyone looked so old and worn. It felt great seeing all of them looking that way. ( I know that wasn’t a nice thing to say….but). Thru out the years I’ve learned that you have to love being your best friend. I enjoy myself, I don’t really care what anyone thinks, I know that I am happy, free, and lovable. I am able to eat by myself and travel without feeling like someone has to approve. People approach me and I have made some truly wonderful friendships. When I tell my story about being made fun of and not being in the ” in crowd”, they don’t believe it. I thank God for that experience. It made me stronger, happier.

I love you for always bringing insight to what is real.

Reply

Lauren August 9, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Marthe,

This is unreal. I teared up reading this article because I literally just had this EXACT same epiphany last night. I went through the same thing at school. I always felt I didn’t fit in and no one understood me. I would go through a book a week my sophomore year in high school because I didn’t have a life. Now I equate loneliness with being uncool, so whenever I find myself alone (even if I JUST got done hanging out with my best friends), I feel extremely uneasy and anxious. I always wondered why that was. To this day I have to be “too cool for school,” and I am afraid to share my emotions.

Thank you so much for writing this article. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to be so vulnerable and open like that. I know for me, even now, if I’m talking about my life when I was in school, I still get emotional because it was such a rough time for me and I don’t think I have fully healed from that experience yet. I still have some residual suffering that I face to this day. So thank you, thank you. Your vulnerability and openness has definitely caused a shift in my thinking and really starting on my healing journey :)

Reply

Keri Kight August 9, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Public school was a nightmare for me as well. I had a few hundred kids in my grade level, so it was easier for me to hide. My boyfriend as well had a rough time; he ended up at the hospital because some kids decided there was something wrong with him. If we ever have children, they will be home schooled. The reality of public school is that it’s all about test scores and the popularity contest, which has nothing to do with the real world. In the real world, you can be you true self, and not have to hide it. That’s the beauty in finding yourself.

Reply

Ali August 9, 2013 at 10:34 pm

I love reading ur blogs after what I’ve been through I realise I’m a far better person than all those who have hurt me and I know I always will be!!!

Reply

Erin August 14, 2013 at 7:54 am

I recently graduated high school, and I also only recently realized that I should accept time with myself instead of trying desperately to spend time with poisonous friends. Lately, my life and my relationships have felt so much better because I have only been surrounding myself with uplifting people. And you’re right! So many girls struggle with being alone and being anxious if they are not seen out doing things and posting pictures of how much fun they are having. It is a growing pain that a lot of us need to come to peace with just by living. Thank you for this.

Erin

Reply

Kemala September 17, 2013 at 12:18 pm

Thank you for this and for all your inspirational quotes. I am going to heed your advice and change my life one step at a time. This blog has been an eye opening experience. I am so thankful for you.

Reply

Z May 26, 2015 at 2:24 pm

people tend to say that i like in my own world. as a child, i enjoyed to play on my own, to invent tales, i was living in a pink bubble. i was childish, silly and weird. but i never considered myself cool or uncool, i was always in the middle. funny, how you say you found your tribe, because i always thought of my childhood friends as a herd, and i was happy to be part of that herd, i felt secure and protected. And today is not as pink as the past, the friends as not here anymore to hide me from the cruel world, now i have to do something with myself and i dont know what. i am lost. confused. and i always was, but know i have to face it and its scares the sh*t out of me. i always thought things will work out for themselves, but they didnt. and now im stuck.

Reply

Bronwen June 1, 2015 at 3:37 pm

Oh Marthe,
I wish as children that we could have somehow known each other. I tried to fit in when I was around other kids, but I didn’t know the cool songs or wear the right clothes. I knew the words to poems and could sing Kris Kristofferson songs…not the Spice Girls. I wore thrift shop clothes that my mum would take me to, and my friends were characters in books and horses, cattle and pups. I cried in resonance with your words – the moment with the card and how they excluded you. All those superficial bullying…and how inspiring to read of how you are looking after your inner child and unlearning those lessons. I keep comparing myself to where I ‘should’ be – but as odd as I am I keep meeting lovely people now who are interested in similar things. The way you put that to heal you need to befriend yourself – that strikes a glorious chord with me. It makes sense now! I’m not being selfish or silly…but letting myself know that I am worthwhile just as I am now. <3 Thank you for writing about this with honesty and verve!!!

Reply

Girl May 12, 2017 at 5:46 pm

This is beautiful. To share your emotional pain with a world drowning in emotional pain and negativity in such a genuine way is an asset greater than any of those “cool” girls will ever exhibit. Don’t ever think that you are uncool – just because those girls didn’t discover your individual coolness and own unique talents, doesn’t mean others will think the same. I am currently in secondary school and have had various experiences which have made me question deeply, concepts such as friendship, popularity, confidence and isolation and the is the conclusion I have come to is: there are two types of people; those who make friends and those who have friends. The first type are those who move on from people who cause them pain and actively seek out those who give them pleasure and support. The second type are those who stick with the people they end up with by circumstance but Don’t like and end up feeling trapped as they haven’t the confidence to intrude on other friendship groups. For a long time that second type was my category but that all changed today! Sometimes the biggest barriers are the ones we build ourselves, we just need to find the strength to break them down. People live life to have the Crac (Don’t worry Americans, I’m not talkin about drugs, this is the irish way of saying “having fun”) so surrounding yourself with eejits (jeepers, I’m really going for it with the slang!) is only ever a hindrance. Everything we say, do or work towards is usually to create happiness, crac and harmony and if you can’t achieve this for yourself how will it transfer to other people. In terms of people, positive energy attracts positive energy. After a long day full if tears you have restored my hope in people and just so you know, parties are overrated – but, in all seriousness, you need people, people need you – this is why happiness has two “p”s. Thank you, good luck and stay cool.

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: