What's stopping you? 5 reasons why you might not want to share your dream
Photo by Julian Bialowas.
I've asked a lot of people what their dreams are. Including you. Because I need to know your dream in order to help make it come true. And it surprised me a little that that post has gotten fewer comments than most posts in here.
I also ask this question when I meet new people. But sometimes I'm too shy to ask. Because I've been having the same conversation too many times:
Me: So, what is your dream? (Or something along those lines and more in tune to the current conversation, like "So, you're studying to become an astronaut, what is your big spacetravel dream?")
Other person: I don't know. *silence*
Me: Oh, come on, you must have a big dream, right?
Other person: I just don't know. I'll probably just *insert sensible and very safe career option here*.
And then I don't know what to say. Because this is happening far to often. Either, there's been a massive outbreak of dream fatigue, or something else is going on.
I've been thinking a lot about this issue and I've got a few theories as to why you might not want to share your dreams with me.
You truly don't know
And bless, I have been there. I started to study law long before I had a goal in mind, it just turned out that way. If you truly don't know what your big dream is, that is okay. The internet and self-development world is bombarding us with messages about how to reach a goal, just assuming that everybody knows intuitively what that goal is. Not knowing yet is okay. The goal, dream, purpose, passion and meaning will come to you when you are ready.
You are too shy to share it
I respect that too, of course. Sharing a big dream is terrifying because true dreams resonate so closely with who we are. And we are afraid that people will think the dream is stupid, unreachable or weird. We're afraid that people will think that we are stupid, naive and weird. And we've been raised to discard the truly big dreams and replace them with sensible options instead.
You don't have to share your dream with me. Just please share it with somebody – anybody. Because magic happens when we share our dreams. We prove for ourselves that this is something we really want and that we accept our own goals. And we set wheels in motion when we share our dreams with people who may help it come true.
You are not ready to share, because you are not ready to make the dream come true.
Yup, that is okay too. Sharing your dream will put you closer to make it come true. And that can be really scary, especially if it involves big changes. Although I believe in sharing, I actually encourage you to let your dream be yours alone for a while. Let it grow within you. Try it on and see how it feels. Just don't linger too much before you put it out there. The timing will never be right. Today is as good as any day.
You might be ashamed of your own dream
Sometimes, it's not about me, it's about you. Or vice versa. There are dreams I don't often share with other people because even I think it's a stupid dream. But it's a dream nonetheless. Try to be kind with yourself and inquire where the dreamcrusher came from. Why are you judging yourself so harshly? May it be that the judgement isn't really yours, but something you picked up from others?
To give you an example, I have a secret dream of singing on a stage. In front of a huge audience. But I don't ofthen share this, because at one point I started to believe that I'm a bad singer and that dreaming of singing when you don't have talent is stupid. It's easy to see now that that I got that thought from somebody else and that I chose to adopt it. I still dream of singing.
You've never been asked that question and you're shocked and speechless
I love it when this happens. "My dream is – wait a second. I can't believe you asked that! No one has ever asked me that before. My dream is – *silence*" (and I think they are thinking something along the lines of "OMG, someone is actually interested in me. Wow, that is so cool. But what is my dream, really? Hmm. I need to think more about this...") Take your time, lovely. Yes, I actually am interested in hearing your dream. Because your dream is unique. And I love the way I get to know you and how our relationship is being built on truth, tummy butterflies and a mountain of hope.
Not sharing is okay. But don't let excuses hold you back unintentionally. Am I right with this one? Or are there other reasons why you're holding back? What's stopping you?